And did I mention that I have independently published my collection of the first ten 10-minute plays that have received full productions? Now available at Amazon. Looks like this:
Crow Mafia Earl
T. Roske
Scarecrow: Anyone, any age.
Farmer
Brown: 30s to 70s.
(Lights
up on a field. Scarecrow is elevated, perhaps on a box. We can hear crows in
the field. After a pause, farmer enters.)
BROWN
Morning, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
Morning, Farmer Brown.
BROWN
Nice weather, today.
SCARECROW
Yep. Hear tell it’s
gonna be a nice day, all day.
BROWN
Really, now. Where you
get that kind of knowledge.
SCARECROW
Phil.
BROWN
Phil?
SCARECROW
Yep.
BROWN
Now I may be confused,
it being early in the morning and all, but I haven’t ever heard of no one near
abouts named Phil.
SCARECROW
(Pointing.)
Well, that’s him over
there.
BROWN
Isn’t anyone
that-a-way.
SCARECROW
Yeah, he’s right there.
Down right there.
BROWN
That’s a crow, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
Yes, he is. Good with
the weather, though.
BROWN
I see. So you’re
conversing with the crows, is it?
SCARECROW
Well, yeah. Friendly is
as friendly does.
BROWN
Sure enough, but I
didn’t put you up there to be friendly to the crows.
SCARECROW
No. No I reckon you
didn’t.
BROWN
Fact is, I put you up
there to scare away the crows. Kind of implied in your name: scare, crow.
Scarecrow. You see it?
SCARECROW
Yes, sir, Farmer Brown
I am aware of my duties.
BROWN
And you haven’t quite lived
up to your duties it seems. There be a couple dozen crows around.
SCARECROW
True. But, if you consider that a couple dozen is better than a couple hundred, well, that makes it seem like a couple dozen don’t much matter.
True. But, if you consider that a couple dozen is better than a couple hundred, well, that makes it seem like a couple dozen don’t much matter.
BROWN
If there’s one, there’s
a hundred. All crows have got to go. So, if you’ll pardon my being blunt, you
need to get to scaring.
SCARECROW
Well, I have done as
you’ve required. But I’m only one scarecrow and I was having a might hard time
trying to move off hundreds of crows. I’d scare them off from over here and
they’d just fly over there. So then I’d scare them away from over there and
they’d just fly on back to over here.
BROWN
Nothing wrong with
that. See, if they’re moving, they aren’t eating my corn.
SCARECROW
Now, I know I’m just a
strawhead, Farmer Brown, but I noticed that in the brief moment those crows
touched ground, well, they’d get a couple kernels of corn. Considering there
was hundreds of them that’s a lot of corn, even if just a kernel at a time.
BROWN
Fair judgement, I’ll
grant you that. But there aren’t hundreds now. There’s a hair over two dozen
from the looks of it. That ought to be easy enough to scare off.
SCARECROW
But the thing is,
Farmer Brown, if I scare these crows off, then the hundreds will come back.
BROWN
You’re right. You are a
strawhead. How do you reckon scaring off these crows is going to attract
hundreds more?
SCARECROW
Phil.
BROWN
Phil? The weather crow?
SCARECROW
Oh, yes, but he’s more
than just smart on the weather.
BROWN
Oh, is he now? What
else might he be?
SCARECROW
Well, he don’t come
right out and say it, but he’s --
(Whispers)
the leader of the crow
mafia.
BROWN
Crow mafia?
SCARECROW
Sh! He don’t like
people talking about it. Almost lost one of my eyes until I learned it.
BROWN
Now that’s just
nonsense.
SCARECROW
I promise you, Farmer
Brown, that this isn’t nonsense. He come to me the other day and said he’d get
rid of the hundreds of crows if I’d let him and a few “friends” hang out and
help guard the fields.
BROWN
And you believed him?
SCARECROW
He proved it first.
Made all the other crows go away.
(Tries
to snap his fingers.)
Just like that.
BROWN
Just like that? That’s
nonsense. You listen, Scarecrow, you make those crows get on out of my field or
your straw is going to be in the belly of my prize heifer. That clear to your
strawbrain?
SCARECROW
Quite clear, Farmer
Brown. But I would ask you to reconsider. A few crows is surely better than
hundreds.
BROWN
And no crows is better
than any. Shoo them off. That’s what I put you here for.
SCARECROW
Yes, sir, Farmer Brown.
(To
Phil.)
Phil? Hey, Phil! I’m
really sorry, but you and your pals are going to have to move it on out of the
fields.
(Phil
“caws.”)
Yes, yes. I did tell
him. But I wasn’t able to make him see reason.
BROWN
Now you stop with all
this socialness. Shoo the crows.
SCARECROW
Phil? You need to shoo
now. Go on, shoo.
(Phil
“caws.”)
Yes, I know what’s
going to happen.
(Phil
“caws.”)
Thank you for not
taking it personal and the like.
(Sound
of small group of birds flying away.)
BROWN
No, there you go. No
crows. So easy even you could do it.
SCARECROW
It was a bad idea,
Farmer Brown, sir.
BROWN
Bad idea? Do you see
any crows? I don’t see any crows. No crows is a good idea.
SCARECROW
Over yonder.
BROWN
(Looking)
Where? That’s just a
rain cloud. Looks like your pal, Phil, was wrong about the weather, too.
SCARECROW
I don’t mean to seem
disagreeable, Farmer Brown, but that’s not a rain cloud.
BROWN
It most certainly is.
(Sound
of hundreds, thousands, of birds flapping, cawing.)
I do stand corrected.
That is a lot of crows.
SCARECROW
Yes, sir, Farmer Brown.
I did try to warn you.
BROWN
Well, get Phil back
here now! Call him. Hurry!
SCARECROW
I don’t think it’s
possible at his juncture. We’ve gone and disappointed Phil and I think the
price is going to be high.
(Bird
sounds are even closer, lights darken as the crows fill the sky.)
BROWN
Next time you make a
suggestion, Scarecrow.
SCARECROW
Yes, sir?
Yes, sir?
(Bird
sounds even louder, stage gets darker.)
BROWN
Remind me of this day
so I don’t forget to listen.
SCARECROW
If I life to see
another day, yes, sir, Farmer Brown.
BROWN
I’ll check on you when
it’s over. Good luck, Scarecrow.
(Exits
at a run.)
(Bird
sounds get louder and louder and then suddenly veer away and grow softer and
the light comes back up. A single crow “caws.”)
SCARECROW
Why, yes, sir, Phil. I
do believe you made your point.
(Lights
down.)
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