Today is the 22nd of this month of plays. The horizon is still to far away for me to feel safe. Is anyone safe.
Playwright.
Is anyone safe? As long as they don't read today's play. I floundered for an idea and not sure how that worked out. But it does have a beginning-middle-end. Not much change in the characters. Amusing. But only four pages. Others have been longer, and better to read. But, I completed the task. Here it is: (Though I know no one knows this blog exists!)
"Brown Paper
Packages Tied Up With String" by
Earl T. Roske
(Lights
up on a yard. Upstage a front door with an obvious package on the step. Clive
is downstage, near one of the wings. He's watching the door and the package.)
HERB
(Entering
behind Clive.)
Hey --
CLIVE
Ah!
HERB
-- Clive.
(Beat)
Everything okay?
CLIVE
No. No, it is definitely
not okay.
HERB
What's going on?
CLIVE
I think someone is
trying to kill me.
HERB
Kill you? Kill Clive.
Retired civil engineer Clive. You.
CLIVE
Yes!
HERB
What could possibly give
you that idea?
CLIVE
That!
HERB
That? That's a package.
Packages get delivered all the time.
CLIVE
With anthrax, bubonic
plague, nerve gases, bombs!
HERB
Who would send you
something like that? You've never done anything even remotely controversial in
your entire life.
CLIVE
Remember that editorial
I responded to in the newspaper. It was pretty scathing.
HERB
No one reads those.
CLIVE
Someone must have. Why
else the package.
HERB
Did you think to check
the label.
CLIVE
Oh, yeah.
HERB
And?
CLIVE
No. Label. Period.
HERB
Nothing?
CLIVE
Just the brown wrapper
and the string.
HERB
Hm. That is weird.
CLIVE
You see.
HERB
In our neighborhood.
What's the world coming to.
CLIVE
No where is safe any
more. Extremists know no bounds. No political, racial, religious, or team
affiliation. People are taken offense with hand grenades. It's crazy.
HERB
So what are you going to
do about that?
CLIVE
I was thinking about
calling the police, but they might be in on it.
HERB
I've heard of stuff like
that happening.
(Phone
rings in the house)
CLIVE
But I remember reading
somewhere that you can neutralize most stuff with water. So if I soak it with
the garden hose long enough….
NICOLE
(Answering
phone in the house)
Hello?
HERB
You think it'll work?
You think it'll work?
NICOLE
(On
phone in the house)
Maxine! How are you?
CLIVE
I'm hoping it does. All
we have are our own wits.
NICOLE
(On
phone in the house)
I haven't seen it. I'll
check outside.
HERB
Nicole's coming.
(Nicole
opens door)
NICOLE
Oh, here it is --
CLIVE
STOP! Don't touch it!
NICOLE
(To
phone)
What? Oh, Clive and Herb
are doing something. But the box is right here. Brown paper? String?
CLIVE
Sweetheart! It's a bomb!
NICOLE
(To
phone as she waves off Clive)
Well it's very
thoughtful. I'll be sure to tell him.
(Hangs
up the phone. To Clive)
It's from your sister,
Maxine? She dropped them off on the way to some pinochle tournament. They're
your favorite: chocolate dipped macadamia nut cookies. Homemade. I'll put the
coffee on.
(Exits
into the house)
(Pause)
HERB
Bomb, eh?
CLIVE
Not this time.
(Beat)
Cookies and coffee?
HERB
Sure. Love 'em.
CLIVE
Come on in.
HERB
You sure they won't
explode when we bit them?
CLIVE
Ha. Ha. Herb. Ha. Ha.
(They
exit into house.)
(Lights
down)
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