I'm sitting here in front of the computer and nothing is getting done. I woke up somewhere around a dozen times last night. Then, this morning, we had a play date. So there were six of them running loose. (Not to disparage the event, they had fun and I had good adult conversation/company.)
But that's not the only reason nearly nothing is getting written today. Primarily, it's concern about the story, the arcs, the plot points, and some of the dialogue. Overall, despite looking like it's going to come in way short of 50 pages, it has a good feel. The end feels a bit wooden and there are still pieces missing. But it's nothing to be ashamed of.
While my daughter napped I managed to get back to the beginning and get Feur and Barba's relationship clarified. (I'd also finally figured out how to work their relationship: Feur had made, previously, an agreement to marry Barba when it got is sense of taste back. Something he never believed would happen.) That story line will need some cleaning up, but I've laid the foundation.
I also have the first appearance of Sterk Mens in place. We get to see him and learn that he can't even open a jar of apple sauce. Later it makes sense when people are introduced and his backstory is highlighted. I plan on having him get help from James when he can't get the engagement ring box open. That part will happen in the first act but won't be fully realized until about 2/3 of the way through the second act. (This is all how I see it in my head. Subject to change.)
We're here on day six of the month long challenge. I'm at 32 pages. So, still better than the 3/day minimum.
The hard part right now is trying to keep moving forward to the end of the act without getting too caught up in the tinkering that is so difficult to resist.
Here's the beginning again with the Feur/Barba relationship introduced and Sterk Mens' first appearance:
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(Lights up on tea room style dining
area. There are four small tables with several chairs to each and a
sideboard where coffee and chaffing dishes can be set. There is a
swinging door near the sideboard that opens on the kitchen, one on
the opposite wall that leads to the front door, and a third one that
leads to the bedrooms. James enters from the bedrooms door and
crosses to the sideboard. He is carrying a newspaper.)
JAMES
No coffee? What time...?
(Checks his cellphone for the time.)
Hm. Weird. Oh, well.
(James goes to his favorite table and
sits, opening the newspaper. Tina Tittle enters, carrying a fresh pot
of coffee. She is sniffling and making pitiful sounds. James watches
in silence.)
TINA
(Setting the coffee pot on the
warmer.)
Oh, dear, oh, dear. Why why why?
(Begins to cry.)
I blame you, Gina. I blame you.
JAMES
Gina?
TINA
(Surprised.)
Oh! James. I'm sorry. I didn't see you
there.
JAMES
Is your sister in some sort of trouble,
Tina?
TINA
(Recovering from surprise and crying.)
Her? No. Gina's always gotten what she
wanted. Even this.
(Waves at her side.)
No, she's living the high life.
Meanwhile, sister Tina is going down with the ship.
JAMES
'Down with the ship'? Tina, what's
going on?
TINA
(Bursts into tears for a few seconds.)
What's going on is that I've been
foolish, James. Foolish and stubborn, but more fool than anything
else. I thought it would last forever. I never thought -
(Feur enters.)
FEUR
(Heading to the sideboard and the
coffee.)
Morning, you two.
TINA
(Moving away from Feur and wiping at
her eyes.)
I need to get breakfast out. I'm
running late. Not that any of it matters.
JAMES
(As Tina exits through kitchen door.)
Wait, Tina.
FEUR
(Pouring coffee and doctoring it with
sugar and creamer.)
Happy birthday. What's with Tina?
JAMES
(As Feur sits and he fetches his own,
black coffee.)
Thanks. I have no idea. She's really
beat up about something. I've never seen her this messed up.
FEUR
Not even....
JAMES
Not even when she got her sisters
pregnancy announcement.
FEUR
And she didn't tell you?
JAMES
I thought she was about to, but then
you entered.
FEUR
Well, I hope it wasn't about me. Jim
call yet?
JAMES
You ask Barba to marry you yet?
FEUR
Still can't taste anything, so no. Now,
back to birthday boy's life. He's gonna call. You just wait.
(Barba enters from bedrooms entrance
and crosses to coffee pot.)
JAMES
I've learned not to wait. And, no, Tina
wasn't talking about you. I've no idea what she was talking about.
BARBA
And Feur has no idea what food taste
like.
FEUR
Hey!
BARBA
Just teasing, darling.
(To James.)
Happy Birthday, James.
(To all.)
Where's the toast? Where's breakfast?
JAMES
Tina's working on it. And thank you.
BARBA
You're welcome. Tina's never been late
with breakfast before. Ah, well.
(To Feur as she sets her coffee next to
him, but loud enough for James to hear.)
Has he called yet?
FEUR & JAMES
No.
JAMES
And he's not going to call, so do
please let it lie.
BARBA
(Going to kitchen door.)
I'm going to just pop into the kitchen
to see about breakfast.
(Door to kitchen opens before she gets
to it.)
Oh!
STERK
(Entering, hiding a jar of apple sauce
so Barba can't see it.)
Sorry, Barba. Morning, Barba.
(Crosses to James. Barba watches with
amusement.)
FEUR
You're sixty-five, James. He's got to
call this year.
JAMES
He's never called before.
(To Sterk.)
Morning Sterk.
(To Feur.)
Why start now?
STERK
Morning, Feur, James. Can you get this?
(Sneaks the apple sauce to James.)
BARBA
It's your sixty-fifth birthday. It's a
milestone birthday.
(James opens jar and Sterk quickly
hides it.)
FEUR
That's right.
STERK
Thanks, James. And happy birthday.
(Exits to kitchen, quickly,
furtively.)
JAMES
Thank you , Sterk.
(To Barba and Feur.)
So was fifty, and fifty-five, and
sixty. He's not going to call.
BARBA
Let's not hang our hopes yet.
-----
Onward.
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